Monday, January 24, 2011

Are you Fabulous?

“Obstacles are things a person sees
when he takes his eyes off his goals.” 
--E. Joseph Cossman

Do you feel overwhelmed and/or unsure at times about all the things you have to do and problems and obstacles facing you?  Do you usually feel great about yourself, or struggle with insecurities?  Are you thinking right now, “I’d feel great if only (fill in the blank…I were thinner, prettier, liked my job more, had a job, was in a relationship, was a better mother/daughter/employee)?

Some women are born knowing they’re fabulous. Others have to work to believe it.  Some of us dwell on or overthink our problems and flaws.  Others learn that overthinking takes up too much space in our heads. 

Mindy: I found I didn’t have room to worry about all the little things that seem to bother so many of us.  For example, the other day I dropped my iPhone at the gym.  The phone was dead.  I don’t know about you, but my phone is my life…it’s got all my contacts and my schedule. The woman I once was would have freaked out. 

What did I do instead? I put the phone in my locker and did my workout.  I put the phone out of my mind, sort of hoping it would work when I got back.  It didn’t.  I still didn’t freak out, I simply made an appointment at the genius bar (where they fix iPhones).  Problem solved.  I felt great because I got my workout in and trusted I’d resolve my phone problem the next day. Which I did.

A brain full of unnecessary thoughts is like a messy desk.  How do you find the specific file you need amidst the jumble of stuff?  You may eventually come across what you’re looking for, but searching through assorted piles requires more time and effort.  When we clear off our desks, when we throw out things we don’t really need, we feel organized, which helps us relax.  The same is true of our minds.  If we can clear out our mind clutter, we’ll feel less stressed.

Which brings me to FIND YOUR INNER FABULOUS, the book Ruth Kaufman and I wrote.  We’d been working on ways to help her find her Inner Fabulous.  We hoped by codifying the process and documenting her journey we could help others learn how to find theirs.

I’ve been truly grateful for the opportunity to create this book. Writing it has forced me to think about and consolidate tools and theories I’ve learned in my 20+ years of studying psychology and working as a therapist.  We figured out how to combine them into a step-by-step approach we hope is easy, interesting and rewarding for others to grasp and apply.

We hope:
--FYIF helps you, the reader, learn that you’re fabulous just as you are today. 
--You’ll join our ongoing discussion about finding and enjoying fabulousness.  Please share your thoughts, concerns and suggestions with us.  We won’t be able to offer individual advice, but we will listen to what you’re saying and tailor our responses in a way we hope will resonate with and prove helpful to the majority of readers.
--To change the world one woman at a time, until every woman becomes the fabulous woman she is meant to be. The stronger we are as individuals, the stronger we become as a community.

As Cossman’s quote advises, look to the end goal instead of sweating over the details you need to work out along the way. 
What’s the main obstacle you’re facing right now?  What one step can you take to tackle it?

We would love to hear your thoughts and struggles regarding obstacles in your life.  Please share.  


  1. Congratulations on your new release! What a great title and concept!!!

    Your phone example was great. It's best to shelve unpleasantries,figure out a way to deal with them, and get on with life, instead of dwelling on them.

    Morgan Mandel

  2. Congrats on writing the book! I LOVE this idea. I agree 100%, and only wish I could tackle things in this manner. Good luck to you both.

    June S.

  3. This is definitely a book I would buy, so I hope you find a publisher soon!


  4. Great concept ladies.

    Even the sound of it is wonderful: I'd like to feel fabulous all the time!

    Good luck!

  5. Ruth and Mindy, I'm really excited about this for both of you, and for all the readers who will benefit by reading your blog and learning more. Congrats on having begun this project and sharing it with the world ;).

  6. Congratulations on the awesome blog and the excellent concept. I hope you find a publisher because as others have said, this would be of great benefit to many people.

  7. Congratulations! This is so very cool. I am sure that you will be able to lay out the steps for anyone to pull together. I laughed out loud when I read the initial quote... 'focus on the goal' has been my household's mantra for a while now.

    I must say, I am no longer living in that anxious, claustrophobic place longer a tidal wave but merely perspiration on a mirror to be squeegeed away 8)

    Mindy I am so happy for you - now I have even more to brag on. Congrats to you both...

  8. As far as fabulous, a definite understatement. What I think is the main issue for most women is the feeling they knew they were fabulous once upon a time, but lost it under all the other obligations in their lives. They became harried and over extended, which tends to cloud a woman's fabulousness.

    Something I loved was from the "Little Princess" - where our heroine tells the headmistress that no one ever told her she was a princess. How true!!! Too many times, little girls are not told they are beautiful and wonderful, so they grow up not believing in all the possibilities out there.

    Many women fall into three categories - 1 - the ones who were always told they were fabulous and believe it. 2 - the ones told they were fabulous but never believed it because others told them they weren't. 3 - the ones never told they were fabulous by anyone.

    So we have women from categories 2 and 3 who are struggling to declare their fabulousness amongst the ones who are already shouting it from the rooftop. It's the inner strength of these ladies to continue to shout it out that gets my vote every day.

    People in this world are cruel to others on a daily basis - so a book like this is a MUST!

    Good luck.

  9. Thanks, everyone! @Danielle: how did you get out of the anxious, claustrophobic place?
    @Vivienne: I loved "Little Princess," too...sad how the girls tried to make her feel unfabulous. I think there's a 4th category: women who want to believe but when the see themselves in the mirror/in pictures they compare themselves to others and lose sight of their own beauty.

  10. Congratulations to two fabulous women! I look forward to the chronicle of your success.

  11. This is just too awesome for words. The website, I love the sparkle and the colors. The book concept, it's all good.

  12. Thanks everyone for your posts.

  13. Love the concept! I'm focused on the goal of living as a widow by keeping busy with friends socializing and doing good deeds. You inspired me.
    Sincerely, Cookie

  14. I am very excited for your book to hopefully come out. I definitely struggle finding my inner fabulous. It's hard to juggle work, family, and finding time to take care of myself so I feel better about myself and my appearance/health. We all need to find our inner fabulous, and need help on how to do it!
    NY Times bestselling author Simone Elkeles