Silence the negative voice shouting from within

When there is no enemy within;

the enemies outside cannot hurt you.   

              ~ African Proverb

            Mindy:  Another great quote is, “I am my own worst enemy.”  Why?  Because of negative thinking.  I’m sure there are deep-rooted reasons why most of us suffer from negative thinking.  Some learned this from our parents or were criticized by peers or teachers.  We’re adults who are allowing  past negativity to impact us.

            For some of us, unconstructive, harmful thoughts begin to feel safe.  They seduce us into believing we need these thoughts to prepare us somehow for something in the future.  If I already beat myself up over my weight or if I doubt I’ll get the job, then nothing you can say and nothing that happens can hurt me.  Wrong.  Criticism and failure still hurts.  Somehow, we continue to believe this to be true, so we hold onto negative thoughts. 

            The reality is that one negative thought will get together with another and reproduce, like a virus growing uncontrollably.  They won’t stop until you treat them for what they are…non-productive, unhelpful, time sucking infections. 

            How do we stop negative, fruitless thoughts?  The first step is to be aware you have them and how much they impact your life.  They make you feel bad about yourself and impact your self-esteem.  These thoughts are annoying and nagging, like allergies, yet most of us choose to ignore them, not recognizing how much damage they do in the long run.

            How do we become really aware?  I ask clients to keep track of their negative thoughts by taking a blank piece of paper and writing hash marks-- ////-- for each critical thought.  Often an entire page  fills up very quickly. 

            We have to catch ourselves when the thoughts pop in our heads so that we can stop them.  Not by beating yourself up that you’re having negative thoughts, but by being aware and reminding yourself that you don’t need to be so hard on yourself or others.  Awareness through practice is how improve at being kinder to ourselves. 

            Compassion for ourselves and others is key to lasting change.

           

            Ruth:  Negative thinking has been an issue for me.  Rejection is a huge part of an actor/writer/freelancer’s day, so sometimes it’s difficult to let go, move on and not a) take ‘no’ as a sign that I’m not good enough and/or b) think I could have done better.

            As Mindy advises, I have to catch myself when I have a negative thought.  I need to believe, as when I worked in sales, that every ‘no’ leads you closer to the next ‘yes.’

How do you handle negative thinking?  Do you let it hold you back, or shut it down?